SO.

So. It's been a couple months since anybody has written anything on here. I was just reading through this blog and it's ridiculous the amount of poetry I used to write. I just don't do that anymore. It's not like I have anything better to do, I've just sort of forgot that I used to write all the time. I kind of miss it now that I think about it.
I've been doing a lot of drawing lately except I lost my sketchbook so now Ive kind of stopped. But the more I draw, the more I realize how shitty I am and how great it is that I'm going to Rosedale so I can keep on bettering myself as an artist. I know that sounds faggoty, but art is really my thing. even if I'm not good at it. I love doing art. I love the feeling of converting my emotions into illustration. I love how when I do art, everything I do seems to open something up in my brain that unleashes poetry. I just love it. I wish I wasn't such a fuck up, and I wish I had more creativity when it came to art, otherwise I would do it all the time.

Anyway. So I'm not really blogging anymore because I've switched to Tumblr like the ex-pat that I am. so follow me at http://theonemanocean.tumblr.com/.
I mean, I guess nobody reads this blog anyway so it's not like I'll gain anymore followers.
But I love Tumblr because it's so much easier for people to follow you and see what you're about, where as Blogspot just doesn't quite do that for me.

Cheers.
Stellar

P.S. You may have noticed that I correctly capitalized everything in this post. If I ever post on this blog again, don't expect me to keep doing this. I'm just trying it out. So far I hate it.

EUGENE HUTZ, LEAD SINGER OF GOGOL BORDELLO WISHING THE FRENCH FRY A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND HE WILL DRINK A GLASS OF WINE IN YOUR HONOR KTHNX

OH MY GOODNESS

OH MY GOODNESS I ACTUALLY DID IT YOU GUYS IT HAS BEEN DONE OH MY GODDDDD

hey there my darling boo, i'm feeling hungry and unproductive, how about you?

it's been 8 months and i still can't think straight
my mind's blurry and i'll be dropping off at this rate
i've been broken and pushed away and stomped on and stolen
and i've alway known inside that my silence is golden
but the more i stay alone, i find the more i'm losing
what i've worked so hard for, the power of choosing
how i'm gonna spend my life, and what i need to do
and yet i still sit here on my ass thinking about you

i miss you

FUCK YOU YOU MUSHROOM HEADED CUNT

Citrus and Cinnamon

My Chicka,

I do remember those fucked-up times when you were off in Vancouver with your horrendous aunt. I've been having my own funky little family problems of late. I'm rather pissed at just about all of them: Keenan, my grandparents, my mother, and my dad especially. I've almost completely ignored him for the last few weeks. Why does he have to be so bloody useless? He spends the majority of his time meditating and fasting and being an all over dumbshit. I'd love to believe that I could do just fine without all of them, but we both know that's not quite true yet. I have this insane urge to rent a bunch of tearjerkers and sit in my room and cry. The old people I live with are started to really aggravate me- in fact, it's just Walter, the old man, who is outrageously pleasant all the time. He's dumb, racist, and can't stop forcing food on me, which pisses me off even more.

If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.

I need to take flight at some point. I want more than anything to be in San Fran with a few good friends and some nice drugs. What?

I love watching rhythm infect innocent bystanders. I'm in the computer lab with my dim-witted French class listening to Global Deejays, who aren't really half bad. I'm listening to this strange 60's pop remix soak into their muscles and noting a few of them twitch to the tune. A few of them are crazy ravers like me, and understand the influence of some good bass. Stella baby, I know you'd love to rave. It's a soul-bursting experience. There's just so many good people (and a few necessary bad ones)

and they make my world go round. I didn't make it to the starter rave this season, I decided to stay home in CBay and sleep, a decision I ultimately regretted. Sound like most everyone had a blast.

There's a few people here who spark my interest. Sadly I just don't feel quite safe enough on here to tell you all about them, in case they read this in some freak turn of fate. Highly unlikely, I know, but I'm a cautious one when it comes to self-preservation. But suffice it to say they're all sweethearts. There's one who is especially fantastic- and I think therefore all the more unattainable. Then again, humans have always been a bit tricky to grab onto. Even you've managed to slip out of my grasp.

...Remember when we dated? It makes me smile.

By the way, I hope you know that I smoked one of Bridget's joints out on the deck that night. I can't remember if I told you that or not.

On another note, I barely ever smoke weed anymore, with the exception of when I'm drunk and having too much fun not to. You proud?

I sliced my leg last night in the tub, and it bled for twenty minutes straight. I started to think about why people cut, as it wasn't the most pleasent of experiences, but I supposed I could see the attraction. The thing is, today it's all neat and puss-filled and I'm enjoying my wound. I'm going to go ahead and rent those tearjerkers tonight, as soon as I finish Gone With The Wind. What a dumb, badly acted, racist movie.

And that's it, that's all. I have a poem I wrote entitled "Citrus and Cinnamon" that I'll put up as soon as I find it.

Love,

Cinnamon

lela pala tute

hey darling,

i remember once when i was staying in vancouver with my psychotic ex-pole dancer aunt megan and emotionally weak grandmother and i was very frustrated with you for some reason and megan was being an asshole as per ususal and i was very unhappy and began to cry from all the stress and then megan started to talk down to me about how i was being a sniffling little pussy (not really, but she wasn't being very empathetic) and then i explained to her my friendship troubles and she gave me some advice from her experiences (which nobody should ever take, ever) with losing friends and said i should break it off then and there because friends don't last forever. and then i realized that the only reason she lost so many friends was because they all realized how crazy she was, so i disregarded her advice. and then you called me and i said i was sorry and that i didn't hate you and that everything was fine. and then megan heard me and went apeshit on me for being all deceitful and manipulating of her feelings. but you know we just can't break apart, no matter what.

looking back on that time is sort of painful. i was going through quite a bit of shit with megan who is totally fucking insane. any time that i spend with her is quite emotionally confusing and scarring and i still get really emotional thinking about it. i talked to a counselor about my family about a month ago and i couldn't even stop myself from crying because it really hurt to think about. i think i probably would have been a better person if i didn't have to experience all that.

i went to a gogol bordello concert on 4/20. it was a lot of fun but there were scary raver brats everywhere who were pushing everybody around and made it not so fun. it would have been super awesome if you were there.

so i'm going to see my dad sometime at the end of this month. we're going to all meet up in sackville, new brunswick, which is where my grandparents live. my sister is going to be there, as well as my dad's girlfriend, who is absolutely stunning.
also i'm going back to vancouver in the summer, and i'm probably going to stay with ellie. i don't think i'd want to go back to the shore. there are a lot of people i don't want to see, and a lot of people who don't want to see me. i wouldn't have the courage to go alone, anyway. maybe if bronwyn came with me it would be okay.

anyway. things are pretty slow over here. i'm feeling kind of lonely and sad and uninspired and i guess what i need is a change. i'm still waiting for things to come together, at least for a little while. i feel like i'm treading water with this rosedale thing, because my marks have been better and i need good marks if i don't want my application to rosedale revoked. i guess it's sink or swim, basically. i would be a mess if i didn't get in. i don't know what i'd do. probably drop out of school. remember those arguments you got into with mr. rude? and you'd always scare him into thinking you were going to drop out. that was pretty funny. if i did that with my teachers they'd probably give me higher marks just to make sure that didn't happen. or maybe they wouldn't. they're so unpredictable. that's what you get when you go to alternative school i guess.

i don't know if i ever told you about gogol bordello but they are amazing. you should check them out. they have this new album that just came out and it's really great which is good because almost all of my favourite artists are putting out sucky albums that i just can't enjoy no matter how hard i try.

i made some really good cookies yesterday. i wish you had been here to eat them because they were really tasty.

anyway this is kind of long. i suppose i have more to say but i can't remember it so it must not have been important.

also you should check out DeVotchKa. it's also a very good band. download their album a mad and faithful telling if you can.