i don't wanna fill your head with crazy crazy ideas

i love the people who are surrounding me at this point.
they make me feel beautiful, wanted, and they don't pressure me into anything i don't want to do. they understand me, they're trustworthy, and they let me know when i'm going too far.
trying to find a balance in my life right now is hard. it's really easy to talk about, but it's hard. i don't know how to find a balance, and even if i ever find it i doubt i'd know if i did.
here's how i'm feeling right now. content. i feel like i put i invested my trust into something i know will reward me. i feel like i'm ready to take on whatever comes, however disappointed i may be later. i feel like i'm flooooaaatiiiinngggg.

i was not myself last night, couldn't set things right with apologies or flowers.
out of place as a crying clown who could only frown and the play went on for hours.


anywayss. i feel great. i'm trying to finish a geography project but the weeny isn't answering her phone so i'll continue it in the moar-ning. mooooaaarrr.




halloween halloween halloween. i will HAVE HIS SOUL FOR HALLOWEEN.

sleep alone could ease my pain

you're a beautiful human being who i believe can do great things. i want you to succeed, and i want to be in a position where i can say i'm proud of you. i wish you could've been honest with me when i was right in front of you trying really hard to figure you out, and i wish i could've been able to help you when you were right in front of me reaching out for help. i wish i wasn't so self absorbed, and i wish i didn't feel like justifying everything, and i wish all these things didn't matter to me as much as they do.

i'll be the first to say that i fucked you over and stabbed you in the back. it was honestly not my intention, and i don't know why i even did it, but i can see now that it led to this rift between us and now i just feel responsible for everything that's happened. you can tell me otherwise, but you and i both know we've been friends too long, and our bond is too intense for us to not have had some sort of lasting effect on each other. i wish you had told me how much it had bothered you instead of running off to live a new life and telling me you were fine, then we wouldn't have all this tension and passive aggression between us.

i never judged you, i just wasn't interested in your partying ways. i know you were judging me when i was... well you know. but that's done and over with and now i'm in the process of asking myself WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT. LIKE SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK. i just want to smack my head against the table because SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK. i fall in love wayy too easily. with anybody. i mean anybody. does that make me fucked up? according to you it does, and that's okay. i guess.

maybe some day we'll see each other again and we can start completely fresh. i guess that was the plan anyway.

anything i'm missing? please let me know if you ever happen to see this.