dear world

dear world.
please stop making me so lazy that i depend on other people to set my goals for me. please stop making me so irresponsible that i demand that other people take responsibility for me. please give me back the ipod touch that i lost. please make me emotionally satisfied here in this big scary city that i can't make sense of.

so lately i've been less than balanced, outwardly of course. i've been trying to tone myself down but it's hard and the more i talk about it the more i sound like chuck klosterman although that's not necessarily a bad thing. i started rereading killing yourself to live, and the first thing i did halfway through was tell a friend that he needed to read it because it was an amazing book. which it is, so to any forsaken human who happens to be reading this, please read killing yourself to live by chuck klosterman.

anyways, a whole lot of things have been going on in my life and it's pretty ridiculous and some of it is not too great. i went to an open house for a high school last night and my friends were being embarassing. so no etobicoke school of the arts for me. maybe i'll do it anyways and try to challenge myself, but i'm already pretty challenged here at delta, which is pretty much a school for dumb kids. this is part of the reason why i am sad all the time and feel like there's a big black cloud hanging over me. one of these days i'll get around to making sense of all these things that are bugging me, and then i'll write them down and maybe i'll even turn it into a story. for now i'll just read more chuck klosterman and listen to some more witchcraft and think about how to metaphorize my entire life, and how that would require a lot of organizing mentally. so whatever.

today is contract due day, where i turn in my contract from this term and if i have allll my work handed in which i'm pretty sure i do, i will be able to leave school and go out and hang with my buddies. but fuck you anyway. life sucks. blaaaaaaaah fuck it.

do you ever like, have those days where you're just so utterly frustrated with everything and you're trying so hard to vent but venting just fucks everything up more so you just have to bottle it all inside you and then just spend the rest of your day being really passive aggressive?

maya has successfully figured out how to suck a fuck. how does one suck a fuck, exactly? ask maya.

i like the christmas babies, trent. and i like the way my skin feels when i wear my rainbow jacket.

what else is new with me and also completely random and irrelevant? oh yeah. i had a dream i went to my teachers house and there were a bunch of people from school there and other schools too. and ellie was there. and then i woke up (in my dream) and i had streaks of red in my hair and i couldn't remember anything and so i went around the entire city trying to figure out what happened but then i woke up and i couldn't fall back asleep.

also i saw whip it last night. it made me want to join a roller derby team. there weren't enough texan accents though.

also NUIT BLAAAANCHE.

FUCK YOU WORDPRESS

wordpress sucks wordpress sucks wordpress sucks.

apparently no one reads my blog because my template is ugly. what the fuck kind of bullshit is that? real people who care about real things wouldn't bitch and moan and not read my blog because of the template, they'd just not read my blog because i write like a self-absorbed moody teena-OH WAIT. yeah that's right.

nuit blanche rules nuit blanche rules nuit blanche rules.

i feel like swearing and yelling and throwing shit around. maybe i'm just a cranky little 8 year old who needs some fucking sleep. maybe i'm a 76 year old man with violent alzheimers. maybe i'm just myself and i've spent the entire day harboring major passive aggression and now i don't even feel like venting because it's just completely and utterly not worth it. ASSHOLEFACEMAN.

fuck you.

today.

today one of the seventh graders lent me her mother's copy of jpod and i've been reading it all day. i'm enjoying it a lot. i haven't read much lately, but i did finish the outsiders last night for english. now i'm anxiously awaiting being able to watch the moviee.
here's what else i'm anxiously awaiting. NUIT BLANCHE. in case you don't know, nuit blanche is basically when the entire city of toronto turns into a giant contemporary art show and it lasts from sunrise to sundown. my friends and i have a variety of ideas on how to get through the night sucessfully which include (ranging from realistic to non-realistic):
crashing at our own separate houses
crashing at tabetha's uncles condo
crashing at my cousins house
sleeping at someone's house and then going out all night fueled on red bulls
everybody pitching in $10 for a cheap hotel room somewhere on like spadina or something

i love my friends.

here's what else is new. for guitar class we got grouped according to our skills. now, when we were demonstrating our skills i was the only one who knew all my basic chords while everyone else didn't, so my teacher put me in the most advanced group with all the other people who knew their stuff. so basically i know nothing compared to these people, and they're talking scales and tablature and all this shit i don't know shit about and i can't even keep up. at all.

nuitblanchenuitblanchebluitnanchenuitblancenutiblanchenuitclabengnkjsfjndgjnjk.