lela pala tute

hey darling,

i remember once when i was staying in vancouver with my psychotic ex-pole dancer aunt megan and emotionally weak grandmother and i was very frustrated with you for some reason and megan was being an asshole as per ususal and i was very unhappy and began to cry from all the stress and then megan started to talk down to me about how i was being a sniffling little pussy (not really, but she wasn't being very empathetic) and then i explained to her my friendship troubles and she gave me some advice from her experiences (which nobody should ever take, ever) with losing friends and said i should break it off then and there because friends don't last forever. and then i realized that the only reason she lost so many friends was because they all realized how crazy she was, so i disregarded her advice. and then you called me and i said i was sorry and that i didn't hate you and that everything was fine. and then megan heard me and went apeshit on me for being all deceitful and manipulating of her feelings. but you know we just can't break apart, no matter what.

looking back on that time is sort of painful. i was going through quite a bit of shit with megan who is totally fucking insane. any time that i spend with her is quite emotionally confusing and scarring and i still get really emotional thinking about it. i talked to a counselor about my family about a month ago and i couldn't even stop myself from crying because it really hurt to think about. i think i probably would have been a better person if i didn't have to experience all that.

i went to a gogol bordello concert on 4/20. it was a lot of fun but there were scary raver brats everywhere who were pushing everybody around and made it not so fun. it would have been super awesome if you were there.

so i'm going to see my dad sometime at the end of this month. we're going to all meet up in sackville, new brunswick, which is where my grandparents live. my sister is going to be there, as well as my dad's girlfriend, who is absolutely stunning.
also i'm going back to vancouver in the summer, and i'm probably going to stay with ellie. i don't think i'd want to go back to the shore. there are a lot of people i don't want to see, and a lot of people who don't want to see me. i wouldn't have the courage to go alone, anyway. maybe if bronwyn came with me it would be okay.

anyway. things are pretty slow over here. i'm feeling kind of lonely and sad and uninspired and i guess what i need is a change. i'm still waiting for things to come together, at least for a little while. i feel like i'm treading water with this rosedale thing, because my marks have been better and i need good marks if i don't want my application to rosedale revoked. i guess it's sink or swim, basically. i would be a mess if i didn't get in. i don't know what i'd do. probably drop out of school. remember those arguments you got into with mr. rude? and you'd always scare him into thinking you were going to drop out. that was pretty funny. if i did that with my teachers they'd probably give me higher marks just to make sure that didn't happen. or maybe they wouldn't. they're so unpredictable. that's what you get when you go to alternative school i guess.

i don't know if i ever told you about gogol bordello but they are amazing. you should check them out. they have this new album that just came out and it's really great which is good because almost all of my favourite artists are putting out sucky albums that i just can't enjoy no matter how hard i try.

i made some really good cookies yesterday. i wish you had been here to eat them because they were really tasty.

anyway this is kind of long. i suppose i have more to say but i can't remember it so it must not have been important.

also you should check out DeVotchKa. it's also a very good band. download their album a mad and faithful telling if you can.